MACOMB—In a bizarre development, Macomb’s 203 different businesses all closed their doors and reopened as Subways, the national fast-casual sandwich chain that contains more locations than McDonalds and Starbucks combined.
“Well, we looked at the analytics, and we learned that the strongest cities in the nation had robust public transportation and subway systems,” noted Macomb Mayor Mike Inman, “We thought this transformation was a natural civic progression for Macomb.”
Prior to the transition, Macomb already hosted 3 different Subways. These reopenings mark a nearly 8000% increase in available sandwich stores.
Many citizens are worried that such a dramatic shift in the local economy will have dire consequences for the city.
“I mean, Pella making footlongs instead of windows is just weird,” commented Macomb local Jason Peter.
Many more residents are frustrated about their inability to conduct normal day-to-day business operations; some even assert that there is not enough infrastructure to support so many Subways.
“It’s not entirely clear where I’ll be doing my taxes,” said Subway owner Chad Ryan, who once owned a Walgreens, “And to be honest with you, I don’t really want to sell sandwiches. Those cold cuts are pretty gross.”
Reports indicate that city officials are excited about the change.
“On the bright side, there’ll be enough part-time work for all those college students,” said Macomb Mayor Mike Inman.
Jon Naskrent Blog 